Sir King
by Alexandrorca
Summary: Hey, it gets boring being stuck in that helmet all day. He was just trying to have a little fun. (mild spoilers, at least until Season 2 comes out)


Helbram tried not to bother Harlequin unless they were alone. He really, really did. He understood why Harlequin was so down recently, and even though he wanted to help, he knew that his friend really didn't need a voice only he could hear commenting on everything they saw. So, Helbram saved his words for epic, phantasmal messages of guidance from beyond, and otherwise kept his commentary to himself.

Not that he didn't have a lot to say. It seems that once you're dead and literally attached to the helmet you bought your friend almost a century ago, most events become funnier than ever. Maybe that was why at this moment Helbram found it too difficult to keep quiet.

"She called you Sir King." Helbram deadpanned, with only the faintest of giggles. He was finding it very difficult to remain as serious as his friend, but Harlequin seem to be ignoring him in favor of the Princess, anyway. Well, that was no good.

"Sir King? Did you hear me? I asked if you could please fly up and reach this bottle from the top shelf for me."

She said it again. Helbram couldn't help but snort in response. "Sir King, oh, Sir King, let's all just string a bunch of titles together until they don't make sense anymore."

"Stop it." Harlequin tried to hush him, but only earned himself a stare from the Princess.

"Sir King, are you all right?" Elizabeth asked.

"I want a title too."

"You don't get one. Stop talking." Harlequin hissed.

Elizabeth looked hurt. "What? Why not?"

Now Harlequin looked quite flustered, and it was hilarious the way he waved his arms back and forth and turned red, just as if someone had been teasing him about his crush on the giantess. "No, no, I'm sorry, Elizabeth! I wasn't talking to you. Of course I'll help you!"

"Don't worry about him. We all knew King'd go crazy eventually~" Ban drawled, standing high on his tip toes on a chair to grab the bottle for the Princess.

Elizabeth smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Sir Ban."

Helbram was nearly hysterical with laughter at this point. "Him? Your sister's boyfriend, that sleazy bandit? He gets to be called Sir too?"

"Ban is NOT Elaine's boyfriend!" Harlequin cried.

"Really? Have you _heard_ her talk about him?"

"What about Elaine?" Ban's expression and voice changed instantly at the mention of his lost love.

"Is King all right? Should I get Sir Meliodas?"

Gowther struck a pose as he announced, "It appears that King is developing schizophrenia. This should be interesting to observe."

Suddenly, Diane pressed her face against the window. "Hey, what's with all the shouting in here? Am I missing something?"

And then, to Helbram's eternal amusement, Harlequin tried to answer them all at once, with something that ended up sounding more like "GAAAAAAAAAH!", as he flew out of the Boar's Hat on Chastiefol.

Helbram kept laughing the entire time Harlequin zipped through the forest, and continued to even when his friend alighted on a high tree branch.

Harlequin slammed the helmet down on his head; Helbram could tell he was visible when that glare focused solely on him. The fairy King crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for Helbram stop sniggering. But unfortunately for both of them, Helbram had entered such a fit of raucous chuckles that King's insufferably serious pout only made him laugh harder.

"Helbram." King said in between Helbram's laughter. "Helbram, you embarrassed me in front of my friends."

The green-haired-fairy tried desperately to calm himself down. "Yeah, that didn't go so well. But you need to lighten up a little."

"Lighten up? My friends think I'm insane."

"Hey, but at least Diane didn't see you talking to yourself!"

Harlequin looked away sadly. "No, she just saw me run away screaming. She probably thinks I'm crazy too. I didn't want her to have that impression of me when she already doesn't remember me."

"I don't see what all the fuss is about. We always knew our King had a few screws loose, but that's part of what made it fun to be around you." Helbram said with a grin.

"No, you don't get it. Helbram, I know you must be bored silly, and I'm sorry you have to follow me around everywhere, but I can't talk to you all the time. No one is going to take me seriously if it looks like I keep talking to myself."

Helbram laughed again. "You could always just ignore me!"

Sighing, Harlequin shook his head. "I can't. You don't understand, I can't focus on everyone else when you're talking to me. And like I said, I'm sorry it has to be this way, but I really can't have you talking to me when I'm with other people."

"Yeah. I know." He honestly did. He also knew that Harlequin was already under far too much stress for Helbram to push the issue further. But at least Helbram had someone to talk to when Harlequin was alone like this.

"So. About that title…"

Harlequin yawned. "You're serious about that?"

"Of course! You get to be… What is it…" Helbram made his voice as deep and dramatic as possible, "'Sir Harlequin, King of the Fairies, and the Grizzly Sin of Sloth.' Right? All of your friends have cool titles. Even the pig. It's about time I had one as well." Putting his hands on his hips, he added, "and I expect you to help me."

He finally got a smile out of Harlequin, although small. "All right. Sir Helbram, of the Knights of the Annoying Ghosts."

Helbram crossed his arms. "You can do better than that."

"Fine. Sir Helbram of the Immaculately Combed Hair, Royal Vizier and Best Friend of the Fairy King, Former Holy Knight Whose Mockery Is as Undying as His Soul."

The green-haired-fairy paused, and then pursed his lips appreciatively. "Yes. That will suffice."

It may have been something about the falsely pompous manner Helbram spoke, or maybe it was a delayed reaction to the title he himself came up with, but Harlequin began to snicker.

Helbram grinned in response. It was about time Harlequin broke that sobriety. "Now then, let's go about changing your friend's titles as well. Let's start with…Meliodas. Sir Bedhead of the Admirable Comedic Timing, Whose Grand Ability to Defend His Country is Consistently Negated by His Shamelessly Inappropriate Groping. Did I get that right?"

Nodding, Harlequin laughed harder. "Let me try, let me try. Let's go with…Sir Hawk! Former Master of Scraps, he shall henceforce be known as He Who Has Eaten Meliodas's Food and Lived, Though His Pride Is Worse Than Escanor's in Every Other Matter."

"Oh, I could write a SPEECH on Escanor! He's worse than you when he follows Merlin around like a lost puppy!"

"Helbram!" Harlequin giggled, too entertained to be mad. He felt a little bad teasing his friends, but it was all in good fun; they didn't mean any harm in it.

They spent the rest of the afternoon in the forest, bantering back and forth. When the other Sins decided to look for him, they found him alone in a tree laughing hysterically to himself. By that point, Harlequin wasn't even that embarrassed by their confusion anymore, but was happier than his friends had seen him in a long time.

Helbram smiled and waved right as Harlequin removed the helmet. He was all right with being quiet for a while- even if he was going to come up with the most outlandish observations to share with Harlequin the next time he was alone. But for now, he was content to know he had gotten a smile and a laugh out of his old friend.


End file.
